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Anchor Report - Fall 2008© All materials available on this site are copyrighted and require meticulous documentation if any portion of them is used - even the ideas or the thought process - cite the author and you will have a clear conscience. Thanks. Anchor report, Greenfield, Dec. 2008: Present: Wendy and (baby) Katelyn Bell, Frank Carpenter, Amy Freedman, Bill Gardiner, Fred Gillis, Nannene Gowdy, Frank Hall, Brian Kopke, Susan Suchocki, Paul Ratzlaff, Tony Lorenzen, Robert Thayer, Mary Harrington, Joel Miller, Carol Rosine, Marta Flanagan, Anita Farber-Robertson, Nina Grey, Jim Sherblom, Rosemarie Smurzynski, and Martha Niebanck. Late-coming: Keith Goheen, Marta Flanagan, Rosemary Bray McNatt. Moderator Mary Harrington opened the meeting with gratitude for the indulgence of starting at 3:30. Bob reported that Barbara Fast’s mother is ill in Finland and that Barbara is there; Josh is on Sabbatical; Rosemary will be late, Tracey is in school and cannot come; Tom Wintle had 2 deaths and will be absent; Will Saunders is not coming.Charles Magistro - Saint. Richard Fewkes - Saint. Checkin: Frank Hall recalled Barbara’s mother as a “live wire”; he recited a poem from Stanley Kunitz: I have walked through many lives, some not my own… when I turn to look back… I see the milestones dwindling… Oh, I have made myself a tribe out of my true affections… those who have fallen along the way… every stone on the road precious to me… in my darkest night… I roamed through the wreckage… live in the layers, not in the litter… the next chapter of my transformation is already written… I am not done with my changes…..” Reports of prospecting in the Canadian Bush. “It’s cold up here!”, a new ministry in Texas… and much culture shock. A grandchild’s birth: Joseph. A Son is applies to colleges; a daughter’s first date. Great drugs are doing wonders for Parkinson’s. A second son will marry this year. A baby exclaimed: “WAaahheaahh-thpptththppthpptss!” Met son’s significant other this week. A departure from a church. A Family working to be healthy. Retirement trips to Turkey and Greece. Saw where the figurine from the Cakes curriculum was found. Not work too hard at church. Thanksgiving with families. A minister’s Daughter is now a member in the minister’s church, thus losing a confidant. Applying for medicare card was traumatic. Transitions – father died at home with family and pregnant with a baby girl – “If I leave early, you’ll understand.” A 6th grandchild born April 6, is a delight. Another grandchild due in Feb in California. On sabbatical, doing consulting and taking a writer’s workshop. Also creating an interim ministry program at Andover-Newton and teaching in the Spring. A Congregation is well, but economy has caused much anxiety. Wife’s stepmother and father are not well, and so much personal worry about family. A Wife writing a book, “Yoga at the kitchen Sink,” which is for elders. Both granddaughters attending Cambridge Friends School. So much emotional release following the election. There is work at Andover-Newton with Field-Education and leading workshops for UU Trauma Response Ministry. Sabbatical in 20 days, going to Mexico for 6 weeks. Blood-tests indicated pre-diabetic conditions, so much new effort at exercise, lost 20 lbs, then got a sports-injury in the clavicle bone playing volleyball. A Daughter visiting from Japan. Son doing well. Church is struggling with success and with failure, life still opening new chapters. “I’ve been busy… this is Katelyn.” Service for a second year at Chestnut Hill – a wonderful church, Christian Unitarian. Anniversary of being married 45 years in June, church gave 2 weeks for a special trip. I have a scooter in my life, now, along with a van with a ramp. Will give the sermon at the Service of the Living Tradition in Salt Lake City – “pray for me.” Worked for Obama Campaign, was very satisfied with outcome. Work in Knoxville as part of UUTRM. Congregation in Knoxville doing very well. There were racial slurs, threats very common in Texas after the election. Retirement is great – most fun in 30 years. Working with refugees – rewarding work. Relief and Joy in Canada at U.S. election results. Convo next year – it’ll be about stories, story-telling. Be sure to apply for scholarships/continuing education grants. Prayer request for a sister, Verna. ANNOUNCEMENTS: Bob Thayer: Gratitude to LaSallette for gracious hospitality. EVENING PRESENTATIONS Gathered for the video, Forgiveness, at 7:00. Bruce, in the video, speaks about his father’s abuse of him and his own journey to forgiveness, including of himself for when he was 15 and killed his father. Thai talks about forgiving others as something she does for herself; that she was not in control of everything that happened to her. Forgiveness cannot be obligatory. Forgiveness is not condoning, excusing, it is compassion for one who hurts you… Know you’ve been treated unfairly… think of the offender as a human being…. Bishop Desmond Tutu explains that it is easier to forgive if the perpetrator expresses remorse, but that victims need to be free to forgive regardless of a perpetrator’s remorse. One associate of Tutu says, “Some crimes are not forgiveable – genocide, torture…” for example. She asks, “What is it in the human spirit that justifies…” misdeeds and crimes? “Without forgiveness there is no future.” “Not forgiving is like taking rat poison and waiting for the rat to die.” Anne LaMott. Comments: Anita Farber-Robertson commented on secondary victimization. Mary Harrington expressed that secondary victims can suffer significantly, as well. Susan mentioned family-members who have been unable to forgive in the aftermath of her sister’s murder and the costs to their own well-being of not having even talked of it – costs including even their ability to live. Keith spoke about the issues of secondary trauma for first-responders – EMTs, hospital staff, police. Frank Hall spoke of a member who said to him after a sermon, “You have no right to tell me I need to forgive that son-of-a-bitch who raped me.” He then spoke about parents of murdered children who cannot comprehend forgiveness for their losses. Nannene pointed out that the video did not show the process by which the people featured came to be able to forgive. Frank Carpenter asked “how do we ministers preach about forgiveness?” Rosemary described her own experience with issues similar to those portrayed in the video (and her need to leave the room) – she has forgiven, but not forgotten, her father and the road has been very, very hard. She comes to the topic on Yom Kippur because that’s the topic. She also preached once that she was surprised to find she had forgiven her father. Brian spoke about abuse that he experience … how much he gave up/lost as a consequence of it, how he worked and works with a therapist about it as a life-long process. The courage to forgive is something that comes only from within – not from outside – and that in the process of sharing, of telling the story, there is a courage that may be found. Part of the telling was telling the life-story of the abuser – not to excuse or justify – but only to understand. Evil, as a large focus of blame, overwhelms the stories and courage. The video doesn’t’ show the journey – the hard work involved. Anita spoke of a member of her church whose child was murdered, and how her involvement in supporting parents of other murdered children was a way to keep connected to her daughter. Mary spoke about how she also left the room during the story of the violent father – she, too, could have done what was described in the video. She also said that it’s not always necessary to forgive – sometimes people need permission NOT to forgive. It took her ten years to feel anything but relief after her father died. Mary also mentioned how she has spoken with people who could forgive their violent fathers but could not forgive their mothers who failed to stop the violence. The process is, in any case, slow, incremental, life-long, and very hard. Carol spoke about an intensive workshop that begins with the premise that all of us received less-than adequate parenting, and have a need to understand and forgive. Rosemary wondered what might have changed had her father lived longer, and wondered how she might have seen him had he lived when she herself became a parent – and even came to reclaim parts of him after her own experience as a parent. Her therapist said, “Let’s have you manage your pain rather than have your pain manage you.” Susan expressed no interest in understanding her sister’s murderer, and that she finds every story of forgiveness is very different. Her forgiveness of him is a detachment – so he won’t have control over her anymore. Anita described forgiveness for herself – her own deeds and how she processes them. Frank Carpenter expressed concern that self-forgiveness is essentially connected to forgiveness of others. Nina described how learning skills of self-protection and boundaries were important in the process for her. (convocation participants were given an opportunity to edit this section of the anchor report). At 8:15 Marta presented her paper: On Forgiveness: Presenting the Theses of Charles Griswold. These are quotations from her paper: “Nearly everyone has wronged another. Who among us has not longed to be forgiven? Nearly everyone has suffered the bitter injustice of wrongdoing. Who has not struggled to forgive?” … “How often we have dreamed of the reconciliation that forgiveness promises, even while tempted by the sweetness of vengeful rage?” “Forgiveness must be tested by reason… we excuse someone (when they are not responsible)… we forgive someone when the other is indeed responsible… forgiveness involves relinquishing resentment… revenge is the concrete expression of resentment… forgiveness is the forswearing of revenge and the moderation of resentment… forgiveness requires interdependence – it is a reciprocal relationship… Political apology is a form of public memory – (but it is not forgiveness)…” Comments: Anita reported that a long-standing issue between two churches that caused tension, and that a public retelling of the past issues brought one member of the churches to apologize and another to release her resentments; the relationships of others were also healed, especially in relating to their congregations. Nina compared an institutional apology as a form of repentance that is part of a process of justice, especially for victims in their process of healing. Tony described Bishop Tutu’s presence in the Truth and Reconciliation hearings as inherently political, with more validity because of Tutu’s authenticity. Rosemary expressed how a poem by Marianne Williamson apologizing for slavery was emotionally powerful – even though Williamson has no real standing to express such a thing. (The convocation paused for worship, lead by Nina, at 9:00 and resumed at 9:00 on Dec. 2 after chapel lead by Keith.) TUESDAY PRESENTATIONS Susan Suchocki-Brown and Nannene Gowdy presented their paper Forgiveness and Reconciliation: Nations, Communities, and Congregations. These are quotes from this dialogical paper: “the abused body of Christ… becomes the vehicle of reconciliation…I’m abused, Jesus was too….” “…There were many different versions of the truth…can forgiveness come about without knowing the truth?... some people…are unable to face their own truths… and sometimes truth is more dangerous than peace-making… vengeance leads to a downward spiral of violence… what is the appropriate moral ethical response to Apartheid, the Holocaust, to genocide?...” “…the very wise realize that revenge doesn’t make us feel better… the process of reconciliation is unique to each situation… it is amazing how people can connect with “the other” once there is a face and a story to attach to that other…” “…the nearly all-white crowd chanted Nel-son! Nel-son! Nelson!” “…the victim must tell the story…[but] the victim is …denied in courts of law, in tribunals… “there is no such thing as reconciliation in the abstract… There must be a willingness to enter into relationship…” “We’re back to the Golden Rule. And if any of us think that we’re not capable of murder, we’re delusional… without some glimmer of how evil can happen, we will always be unable to forgive….” Clarification: Frank Carpenter: “Is there a “UU Model” of forgiveness? Susan and Nannene answered, “No. Forgiveness is always specific to its context.” Comments: Reconciliation for aboriginals in Canada established a sense of safety and order out of chaos… studying reconciliation with the Christian community reconnected a childhood faith… reconciliation is more than hearing the truths in victim and perpetrator’s stories, it includes a communal understanding of evil and healing... a process that counters “othering” … we don’t need another iconic figure that we can do nothing about – we need heroes… is there a universal process in forgiveness and reconciliation – UU congregations need a vision that calls all of us to engage this process… preparing for memorials can be a process of reconciliation for families… Men instinctively love killing, need to give up the adrenaline rush… what comes first: peace and justice, or forgiveness and reconciliation?... the Christian process to reconcile: have compassion for everyone you meet, even if they don’t want it – you don’t know what wars are going on down there… to be human is to suffer… Liberal Christianity is the religion “of” Jesus and his focus on forgiveness… there is a potential for a UU model of forgiveness even though there isn’t one, currently… the Jesus that suffered would understand that we suffer and would walk with us into justice… after this election, can African-Americans now reconcile to being Americans?... Jesus and the jubilee year: can you have reconciliation without debt-forgiveness?... right-relations, the basis of safety and order, requires patience, and that right-relation in congregational life first requires healing – a very difficult effort… the suffering of Jesus; the cross; God experiencing humanity as our companion… the suffering of the crucified Jesus as a consequence of the consolidation of power… the legal system preventing a simple meeting of victim and perpetrator face-to-face, denying the victim this one thing she really wanted… being born again, having Jesus, gave a profound freedom to live, to be free of the oppressions of the past. UUism has no path to be reborn… the power of God’s love is available to all of us… steps toward healthy conflict at Pathways that mended a humanist/theist conflict… stories are a restoration within the differing forms of reconciliation… tikkun, in Judaism, is repair of the world… just want a local garage to fix all these problems (take care of those loose screws)… hearing a story many times from one guilty of drinking and driving and killing the mother of a baby – where is our sacrament of forgiveness?... we have a spirituality of authenticity, one that calls us to personally account for how we will heal ourselves and the world, one that allows us, as a people, to more fully live world of harmony… our Universalist Good News: God is love – even when sitting in compassion with a young prisoner who murdered – we are renewed again and again, do not have to be trapped in the past… a mother who for years stole money from her daughter… a youth director receiving an apology from a Board of Trustees became a healing third-party apology…. (Break for Lunch – 12:00) Paul Ratzlaff presented his paper, Healing and Reconciliation with Congregations Every congregation I have served has had conflicts,” he writes, and “in none has there been an intentional process of reconciliation… [yet] people recognize that… “we will hurt one another.” He described “Ubuntu” roughly meaning “a person is a person through other persons”… He wonders if a primary commitment to self hinders processes of reconciliation in our congregations. He then quotes Tutu: “Theology said they still, despite the awfulness of [the perpetrators’] deeds, remained children of God with the capacity to repent” Paul described how in a congregation that nurtures reconciliation, members freely acknowledge that their words and actions sometimes hurt others. [Ministry means], he wrote, “to be able to be with pain in others and in ourselves.” Paul proposed steps for congregational reconciliation: steps for unprocessed hurts, steps for when individuals hurt others in congregations, for example what happened when a treasurer embezzled church funds. He imagined that instead of demonizing those who cause [us harm], we will need to identify ourselves with them, AND, at the same time, maintain our identity with the victims of crimes or abuse… we must protect those most dependent upon us – children, the marginalized, the poor… Paul lastly described our congregations as “comprised of people enjoying the advantages of unearned privilege.” But he reminds us that even as Tutu defends corporate reconciliation...as a way for a community to move forward into the future, reconciliation is liable to be a long-drawn-out process with ups and downs, not something done overnight, and certainly not by a commission… We are indeed members of one family, bound together in a delicate network of interdependence.” Response paper by Anita Farber-Robertson: The Canton clergy association offered a course on the holocaust that drew 75 people, half Jews, truly diverse. In the closing circle everyone spoke. A Jewish woman said, “I was so angry. I did not understand how people could have just let those things happen… Now I know that if I had been German, standing out in the street watching the people being rounded up… I would have just stood there and watched. I would not have risked my children.” She wept at her realization that she could have easily been a perpetrator. Four years later, 550 people gathered in solidarity after a hate crime in a small town. American legal system creates adversaries, not reconciliation. The history of Unitarians has parallels, leading us to avoid conflict and create distance. Unbuntu for Unitarian Universalists can be a ground for establishing right-relations – inside and outside our congregations. Comments: The media used to create mayhem is an act of violence against the people and democracy. Relating beyond the boundaries of theological comfort important for congregational health, similar to the work of integrating Republican members of our churches. UUs good at identifying differentiating, identifying hurt, but the process stops there. The “here are my wounds” card squelches a lot of joy. The Quakers are 4 denominations, UUs are still one, even after the 1969 Boston GA. The two processes of the papers wonderful – other processes available, as well. Our presenters were resoundingly thanked for their good work, and happy hour commenced, followed by dinner and then Change of Pace featuring charades based on rather creative rules and fun. Tony Lorenzen presented chapel Tuesday evening. Frank Carpenter presented Chapel on Wednesday morning. The congregation sang in defiance of the order of service. WEDNESDAY PRESENTATIONS The convocation resumed by practicing the process of reconciliation presented in Paul and Anita’s papers. Questions were asked of the group, answers given while holding the stone of speaking: On your spiritual journey what have you left behind and what do you take with you, especially on reconciliation? Leaving behind: certainty, resentments, lack of forgiveness among UUs, absence of redemption in worship, male “old-boy” culture, an ID bracelet, certainty of western medicine, culture of exclusion, UU tendency to Judgement, Unitarian shaming, nothing has to be left behind, betrayals and secrets, hypocrisy of form over meaning, tribalism of the old Left and atheism, three roles of victim/perpetrator/hero, all suffering is deserved as God’s will, militarisim, that religion has to make sense, creedalism. Taking with: respect, Greenfield, sadness, new connection with roots of UU Christianity, a contentment with existential loneliness, the unconditional love from childhood, the redemption in volunteering, UU culture of openness, the truth that nothing can separate us from the love of God, being true and staying in the struggle, the respect learned growing up UU, the presence of God, the immediacy of shared faith, everybody who is – belongs, trusting in the healing presence, fuck it – just sing!, not all suffering is deserved, Jesus/Community/the Universe as Family, to be yourself in welcoming community, freedom. The anchor report and business meeting followed, then the closing chapel. Joel will email the full text of the anchor report to the members of the Greenfiel Group, and after receiving requests, submit an edited report for the website. Submitted by Joel Miller
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